60 ways to kill a project (no not your own), and save your Boss a lot of Money
Saving money on software development - a managers guide
Development of software or hardware is unavoidable sometimes, but
it is dangerous (things may go wrong) and costs money.
Sometimes you get a bit excited and make a mistake: you get involved
in some sort of project, and: a deal is a deal.
But luckily if you are the boss there are ways to soften the deal is a deal
part a bit. I compiled a list of handy escapes for this purpose.
Keep thinking about the money you save and all the problems you avoid!
For example the following situation has arised: first some negotiations took
place all very comfy but now something must be done to get the project moving.
The bad thing is your department is responsible for some parts of the project.
The project you don't really want to support.
In this case the list below might come in handy.
(pick as many you like, always remember:
your memory is like a sieve and your hearing is not what it used to be)
- we didn't yet agree on this isn't it?
- we are still missing part x isn't it? (Irrelevant of coarse but insist on
it for the sake of completeness)
- we thought part y had to be finished first?
- it didn't have our priority
- holidays (every year a big surprise)
- no that was not agreed on like that.
- someone got ill (and the project is still not in the full support phase)
- this is not the (right) procedure to get this done
- oops there must have been an error in our planning
- isn't it better to use microsoft product x?
- oops some unclarity in our planning
- no that won't go that easy
- why do we need it anyway?
- I don't understand item x
- a training coarse (a surprise and always two days before a major deadline)
- we don't like it after all
- who wants this anyway?
- are you sure it's necessary?
- it's still unclear
- you missed an appointment too last time isn't it? (Client dared to complain)
- it all took more work than we accounted for already
- we cannot just solve it like that
- it is too expensive (first force them to use the most expensive equipment).
- it's less simple than we thought
- we like it but we cannot take seriously item x (start negotiations all over)
- uhm how was it again?
- is it not outdated?
- do we really need all these items?
- isn't that something for department x?
- we think there must have been a misunderstanding
- we think it worked fine in the old situation
- there is something unclear about the costs
- oops totally forgot about it
- we only continue if we have total control of network/servers for
security and vital maintenance reasons. (We don't intend to maintain
anything but is handy because it prevents the client from doing anything on its own.)
- person x told us it was unnecessary
- we think it can't be done
- consultant x thinks it can't be done
- big american company x thinks it can't be done
- we think it's working okay now (e.g. client has a server incapable
of doing anything, but it is finally there and the fan is blowing smoothly)
- we lost the key of the closet your stuff is in
- can you provide (sufficient) reports which prove it doesn't work?
(About a clearly broken piece of software/hardware)
- part x is not used, so the whole project must be doubtfull
- don't you need a database?
- personel shortage (the last diehard just died)
- you cannot submit a question just like that
- do the users think it is necessary?
- have there been any meetings with the users?
- was it the right person that contacted the users?
- did you contact the right users?
- this is no critique but can't it be done differently?
- we don't want to induce any false expectations
- you shouldn't see it like that
- you must not think that this is easy (extra powerfull if the client already
achieved it on its own in the mean time)
- did we really forgot to tell you the meeting was off?
- negotiate x with person a and y with person b and then let them fight over
it for a while.
- it doesn't cost a lot of time but many times a small time is still a lot of time.
- no those were the priorities of last year
- you and someone else are only ones that seem to have some problems
- you must be a genius, probably you don't need us at all. (Useful if client
is very persistent)
- we don't know anything about that!
- department x has a different solution
- company x doesn't have it too
- company y does it like we do now too
- it works as it is working now, isn't it?
- we are very sorry that you got the wrong expectations
this happens a lot of the time with unexperienced clients.
- WHAT! Hasn't that been done? (This is my favorite!)
Of coarse you can start over and over again, insisting on completeness, also
maintenance and security topics give all sorts of interesting opportunities for delays.
With a meeting frequency of about once per week you will
be able to delay any project for at least 50 weeks!
It's advisable to have a lower meeting frequency, this has the
advantage that it is more easy to use your bad memory for an excuse.
It's easy to think of many more reasons/ways to delay the project:
for example let the client write useless papers, this again will
give you a couple of weeks extra. Not reading any of it will further
break all enthousiasm left. Some reasons of the list can be used to
induce wars between departments, this may delay projects for years!
All for the good of coarse.
Warning: many points are of the kind I'm the boss and you are not, they
are my favorite but must be used with care.
It is also important to do small steps, preferably of the kind: too late too
little, to not let the customer think you don't want the project to succeed.
What if the customer gets a feeling he is not taken seriously? First of all
it doesn't matter, remember you are the boss. Second do you want this type of
customer? No certainly not, they probably will keep complaining, it's the type
that knows what it wants and the point is you don't want it.
Are there other strategies? Yes one of them is toying with the client, this
to annoy and frustrate them and give you some fun. Maybe more on this later.
Also a very powerfull tool is FUD (Fear-Uncertainty-Doubt) this always works!